Mental health Mondays: Build your self esteem

A lot of us struggle with low self esteem. Fortunately, there are changes we can make to improve our feelings about ourselves.

1. Identify your triggers

Think about the situations and conditions that impact your self esteem in a negative way. It could be stressful situations at work, a challenge with a spouse or changes in circumstances (such as moving to a new place or changes within a relationship).

2. Boost self-awareness

Once you identify your triggers, think about how you feel about them. Think about your thoughts toward those triggering situations, even if they’re negative. Then, ask yourself: are these thoughts really realistic? Would I say these things to a friend? And if the answer is no, then don’t say them to yourself.

Another helpful idea may be to spend some time journaling how you feel about the trigger. Sometimes getting our thoughts on paper helps us to better confront them.

Finally, remember your thoughts and feelings are valid. You aren’t wrong for thinking them.

3. Try to focus on the positives in the situation

I am really bad about measuring my self worth by how much I complete. For example, “I got everything done except for the ironing, so I have failed.” I’m also really bad about seeing only the negatives in a situation and forgetting to focus on the positives.

Another bad habit of mine is mistaking feelings for facts. For example, “I feel that I failed at this, so I must be a failure.” My solution here again is to journal what I’m thinking or feeling and then challenge myself to find the positives. I didn’t get everything done, but look at how much I did accomplish. Or, “maybe I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped, but I did better than before.”

4. Consider the outcomes

If something didn’t go as well as you’d planned, what would you do differently in the future? If something didn’t quite work out the way you’d hoped, what about it did go well?

There are also small things you can do to boost your self esteem. Some of my favorite things include the following:

5. Put together a favorite outfit

Put together an outfit that makes you feel beautiful and wear it often. You don’t even need a special occasion to wear it. Just put it on for instant confidence.

6. Focus on your talents

Make a list of all that is good about you. What do you do well? What are your talents? Everyone has an area where they shine- what is yours?

7. Surround yourself with the right people

People who really care about you want to see you successful and happy. If someone constantly puts you down and is always negative, you can choose to limit your time around them.

What are your favorite tips for increasing your self esteem?

Life as a Lumber: what we’ve been up to

We are cruising head first down the hill to my summer vacation. The girls, who are in a different school system and a different schedule, have been out almost four weeks. I’m ready to be out of school with them.

This kid has taken up running and plans to try out for cross country this fall. As a rising sixth grader, she is looking forward to school this fall.

This little lady is a rising first grader and she is super excited!!

We have dropped two episodes of our podcast and we have greatly enjoyed recording them. I am looking forward to publishing more episodes soon.

Visit our podcast here.

We are currently revamping our backyard and outdoor spaces. I cannot wait to show you what we are doing.

This brings me to some more news as well. Here is a hint. Drop your guesses in the comments below.

This week, we will feature the following:

A pallet sign craft

Office closet roundup

Gardening items we love

Have a great rest of your weekend! We will see you soon.

Five Friday favorites: things I’m loving right now

I currently have 12.5 days left of school. My children have been out of school since May 12 and I am in a big hurry to join them. Sadly, there is no way to fast-foward the time, so I’m just going to have to wait it out.

I have already promised my little girls that I’ll be kicking off our shared summer vacation with a little pool day fun. I’d love to share my favorite beach bag and its contents with you all today. Links are provided below the grid 🙂

Clockwise, from top left: 1. LL Bean Boat and Tote zip top bag, XL $49.99; 2. Sun Bum, Premium Day Tripper Travel-Sized Sun Care Pack , $29.99; 3. Lily Pullitzer flamenco one piece swimsuit, $154; 4. Bando Bluetooth Shower Speaker, $37; 5. Premium Personalized Striped Cabana Beach Towel 35″ x 60″ – Monogrammed Pool Towels, $50; Maui Jim PUA fashion polarized sunglasses, $349

What are your favorite things to pack in your pool bag?

Mental health Mondays: My story

Today’s post will be a difficult one to write, but a necessary one. Transparency is difficult in the best of times, but more so when the topic of discussion is something that is so stigmatized. I do not write this post to seek pity or attention, but to bring awareness. If mental health were more widely discussed and less stigmatized, I believe more people would seek help for their mental health issues.

To some degree, I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. I have always had struggles with perfectionism, what others thought of me, and social anxiety. I was still able to accomplish a lot in life, but I do believe that my anxiety struggles have also held me back from trying new things or doing things I wanted to do. While others may notice an increase in problems and difficulties as a teen, or with the onset of puberty, I can honestly say mine peaked as a young adult.

Me, second year of college

My first year of college was a difficult one. I was 275 miles away from home for the first time ever. I had a hard time adjusting to this and my GPA reflected it. I threw myself headlong into a social life with people who really weren’t good for me. I dated and became engaged to someone who didn’t have my best interests at heart. We had a very codependent relationship on which I heavily hinged my self-worth. In my second year of college, my freshman 15 weighed heavily on my confidence and I began to abuse laxatives and extreme dieting. I lost forty pounds, and it wasn’t until a close friend and family member realized what was happening that I acknowledged an eating disorder. During this time, I also stopped attending church or having anything to do with the things of God. My faith had been a constant in my life up until this point, and I think my lack of faith also contributed to my struggles.

I lost two family members I was somewhat close to, I graduated college, and finally, through a lot of prayer and self-searching, I found the strength to end my toxic relationship and engagement. It was a painful decision, but I knew it was the right one. I also began working my first job out of college- it was nerve-wracking. I was very young, very immature, and not really ready for my entrance into the adult world. I made lots of mistakes.

Eventually, I found my way back into church at a church that loved and accepted me. I met a new man who proved to be just as toxic as the one I’d broken things off with. I decided to leave my love life in the Lord’s hands and just pray for what might be. I met a man who loved me, flaws and all. We got married and are still married today.

We birthed two beautiful, healthy little girls but lost three babies as well. My dad and my grandfather, to whom I was very close, both passed away four days apart. My dad’s death, which was from metastatic colorectal cancer, was expected. My grandfather’s was not. This is when my mental issues took center stage and began to derail my life as I knew it.

You see, my entire life I have tried to bury my mental struggles or simply just “deal with them.” To me, this meant ignoring them or pretending everything was ok. This is the wrong approach because you simply can’t deal with everything on your own. Sometimes, you need a break, or extra support, or an impartial third party to help you get through things. My inability to correctly deal with my dad and grandfather’s deaths caused me to slip into a fog that nearly cost me my job, my marriage, and my life. Almost five years later, I can’t think about that time in my life without my stomach knotting up. Watching her mother go through a nervous breakdown caused a host of mental struggles with my oldest daughter. My husband came home each day to a messy house and a woman who resembled his wife in appearance, but in no other ways.

After reaching what I believed was the end, I desperately met with two trusted people at my job. Admitting just how bad things were gave me the strength I needed to seek help. I began attending therapy weekly and taking SSRI’s. Sadly, I determined later on that I cannot take the medication due to some horrible side effects. I have learned to use exercise, mindfulness and journaling to support my mental health instead. Even today. I attend therapy biweekly.

If you get nothing else out of this post, I want you to hear this clearly: there is NO shame in mental health support. This includes therapy, medication, taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, yoga, etc. You are not everyone else and everyone else isn’t you. No one else gets to decide what you need and what is best for you. PLEASE don’t worry about what others think, or what others might say. It’s not important, but YOU are. Find what works for you and make a commitment to making it happen. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I am not a therapist. I am not a mental health professional. Anything I have learned about mental health has largely been through my own experiences. If you’re struggling, PLEASE find the help you need.

Life as a Lumber: What We’ve Been Up To

It’s been a minute since I last updated you on our lives.

These two sweet little stinkers finished their kindergarten and fifth grade years on Thursday. I am a bit jealous, since I don’t get out of school until June 8.

Isn’t this just the cutest thing ever?

Also, their dance team racked up recently at their last regional dance competition. Em’s solo won fifth place, their large group number won fourth overall, their trio won third overall and their duet won fourth overall. Next stop, Nationals in Sevierville, TN!

My shoulder has healed appropriately and I have been cleared to return to weight lifting. I am focusing on lower weights and higher reps. So far, things are going well. Pray for me, though.

This week, we are focusing on another pallet project, some more Mental Health Awareness Month goodies and a few more fabulous Friday funzies for your enjoyment.

You can expect a new podcast soon as well! I hope you all are well and happy. We will see you again soon!